Currently Listening Product By Brand X ...And So to F... see related

Geez, I really don't know what to talk about right now.  Being that this is a diary created for bitching and kicking myself in the balls, I guess I'll venture into how worthless I feel my existance is (I swear I'm not emo, lol).

This past Xmas eve my dad and I got into an argument.  Besides thanking me for "ruining yet another holiday!" he also claimed that he and my mom don't derive even the slightest bit of joy from me anymore.  I had nothing to say after that.

Currently Listening Tales from Topographic Oceans By Yes Songs: The Revealing Science of God & The Remembering High the Memory see related

Yeah, I really gotta update more often. Over a half a year since my last entry.

It’s 5:00am right now. I hate staying up late in the spring. Morning birds are chirping, and it really feels like they’re mocking me, and my nocturnal state of being. What rude assholes.

Nothing much new to report on. Saw my best friend, Julie, this past week. It was a good time, but I’m just upset that my messed up sleeping schedule hindered us from having more conversation. It was like, when one of us was awake, the other fell into slumber. Maybe next time.

Sunday was an enjoyable day with the parents in Philadelphia. Of course they were arguing about petty shit in the car (I swear, even though it was their anniversary, they still went at it. Hell would be an endless car ride with them, devoid of headphone sanctuary). Things corrected themselves at the Franklin Institute, where we finally saw the Pharaoh exhibit. Absolutely amazing how much priceless treasures and gifts the Egyptians placed into the tombs of dead people. DEAD PEOPLE! Probably the most splendid item in the exhibit for me was a coffin of gold, inscribed with meticulously engraved hieroglyphics and Gods. It was once inhabited by the mummified corpse of King Tutankhamen’s mother-in-law (I believe). I looked at my dad, and told him that when I die, I want a coffin like that, to which he replied, "keep dreaming."

I miss my Jonathon. We’ve been together for over a year now, and living two hours away from him, I’m just yearning to see him, and being held by him, and giving him a bj. OK, too much info, but I do love the guy so immensely, though I’m not sure he realizes how much. It’s hard for me to be as open as I should be, especially with someone as normal as my pumpkin.

I’m not going to say that my bulimia is in check, as it will never be, but it’s under control as best as its ever been, since I developed it at 17. I’m finally starting to treat my mouth like Superman, with my fingers being kryptonite, going for incredibly long spans of time without forcing vomit. And I’ve still been able to maintain sobriety since the 7^th of July. I think my body is finally beginning to thank me, being abused less by myself in a very long time. Not saying that I’m absolved of problems, but God knows that bulimia has been the most tyrannical demon I’ve yet to encounter, and the fact that I’m doing well in battling against it is worth being proud of.

Currently Listening Emerson, Lake & Palmer By Emerson Lake & Palmer Song: Take a Pebble see related

How is it that people are so narcissistic as to put music on their Xanga sites. Please, your taste in music sucks, as I’m sure mine sucks to you. I swear, nearly half the Xanga sites I venture into have some emo band whining away, or whatever else. All I wanted to do was read a little bit of your site while listening to MY MUSIC on the computer. Am I the only person who finds this incredibly annoying?

If you happen to be somebody who has music on their website, for your sake, as well as the sake of your Xanga buddies: Take it off! Trust me, you’ll get a shitload more comments, being that I (as well as most other people) leave your site in a hurry once I hear obnoxious music blaring over whatever I’m trying to enjoy. Gee, and these people wonder why they don’t get any comments. That’s like keeping starving lions penned in your yard and scratching your head as to why nobody wants to come to your house anymore.

Your music sucks. My music sucks. His music sucks, and so does hers. Let’s keep it to ourselves people. I won’t stuff Emerson Lake & Palmer down your eardrums, so please get rid of whatever garbage you’ve got droning on your site! Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Currently Listening The Empire Strikes Back: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Special Edition) By John Williams, London Symphony Orchestra see related

New Deviantart site of mine (all poetry being that I can't draw): http://skincauldron.deviantart.com/

It’s nearly 2am on a school night, and here I sit in my underwear and the back-tie hospital gown I stole from rehab; restless, nerves standing like the fur of a squirrel in a drizzle, with John Williams orchestrating a whirlwind of horns and strings through my ears.

This is impossible. How the hell can I prune and trim down the events of this past summer without making a novel out of this entry. I feel like I’m trying to stuff my dick up a mouses ass with this one (yeah, my penis is small, but not that small!). I guess I’ll do my life an injustice, and put the past ½ year in list form (though I’ll probably end up skipping half of the shit that happened unless I sit down for a few days and think about it).

Hmmm... let’s see. Currently on six months with my boyfriend Jonathon (God bless him for putting up with me), the weeklong trip to coastal Maine including Acadia National Park, going to court in a half a month for a DUI I got on June 30^th with Jim Beam riding shotgun (blood alcohol level above a .2), my living in Princeton house rehabilitation center from the week of July 7th-14th due to my fondness for booze and speed, the subsequent daily outpatient rehab which I’m still involved in, the numerous OA meetings I’ve attended for my still ravenous bulimia, the Gary Numan concert in early August, the Michael McDonald/Steely Dan concert in late August (the pot smoke in the outdoor air was so think it was burning my eyes), my best friend becoming a mother (congratulations Julie - Jasmine is adorable), the life lessons learned... Jesus, I really can’t put it together coherently, so in my next few entries I’m going to backpedal and go into further detail about this past summer which has earned an infinite spot in my heart. This has been the most challenging, yet soul searching (and finding) time in a good long while, and in a strange way, I thank God for shoving all the self-instigated problems in my face. I’ve renewed my relationship with him, which was growing stale for too long.